Brand Spankin' New

We all like new things!   You don't ever really hear someone say, "Man, I really want that used car," or "I wish my boyfriend would give me the ring his last girlfriend didn't take."    We like new houses, new babies, new pets, new toys, new anything.     

But today, I realized something about myself.   I don't like new everything.  There are some things that are just better when they're used, like a comfy pair of tennis shoes.    Mostly, things that are better "used" are my routines.    I have the same morning routine, the same route to work, the same side of the bed.    However, the only constant is life is change, right?   

Isaiah tells us twice that God is doing new things.   Jesus follows up and tells us not to worry about tomorrow because we have enough troubles today.   Then Paul tells us to be ready "in season and out of season".    I wonder if God was trying to clue us in to something?    What if "comfortable" is dangerous?  What if "comfortable" only breeds worry?    If I'm uncomfortable, it's because my routine has been altered, or something that I've held on to has been removed.    Maybe I'm not supposed to have a routine or hold onto anything so tightly?   

Jesus only did what He saw His Father doing, and said only what His Father said.  He said that He did nothing of His own accord.    Complete trust.  Complete flexibility.  Completely led by the Spirit.   In reading about His life, change did not throw His world into complete chaos.   It didn't bother Him that He didn't have a big house, or a regular job.   Heck, He moved from city to city, talked with different people, and never freaked out when someone interrupted His plans.   He just went with the flow.

This same Holy Spirit lives in us.   Jesus told us in John 16:13-15, "However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you. All things that the Father has are Mine. Therefore I said that He will take of Mine and declare it to you."  

Maybe, these seasons of shaking and change are really opportunities for us to learn to walk by the Spirit.   

Confession:   I walk about as well as a 1 year old. 

15 Minute Pity Party

Lex Videre, Lex Orandi, Lex Credendi, Lex Vivendi.

When I was in my early 20's, I had the immense honor of having one of the best roommates ever.   Jann was our lead intercessor at the church, an amazing mother, and more importantly a mentor.   She taught me so much about being a woman of God, and I needed her more than I could really describe.    I was a worship director, working full time in corporate America and navigating the "wait" for my man of God.    

During one of my venting sessions with Jann, she told me about the "15 minute Pity Party".    It goes like this:   I don't like my circumstance, so I set the clock for 15 minutes, then I proceed to whine, cry, lay in bed and pound my fists like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum.  When the alarm goes off, I take a deep breath, wipe the tears from my eyes, and go back to worshiping and believing.   

Growing up in the church and the fish bowl of being "the pastor's kid", I learned that crying, asking why, being sad, mad or just plain confused were all signs of a lack of faith, and that "good Christians" were always full of joy and peace and patience.   Any time I would be hurt or sad I would come under so much condemnation, and then begin the self beating for my lack of faith.   It was always worse whenever I would get discouraged while waiting for the promises of God in my life (you know, the whole "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" kind of discouraged?).  

Confession:   Sometimes I still feel bad for feeling bad.

This weekend was particularly tough.   I have been believing for a particular promise for almost 6 years, and while I have complete confidence in God's character as a promise-keeper, I have days that I have to fight to keep His character in front of my circumstances.   On Sunday morning I was startled awake by a dream in which some friends were celebrating fruit of MY promise, but I wasn't, and they were rubbing it in a little bit.  When I woke up, I was completely heartsick, and thought "Why them, and not me?"   It was a struggle to even get out of bed and drag myself to church, but I did.    And of course, it was amazing and just for me, but then I digress.   

On Sunday afternoon, I was working it out with the Lord, and I just kept hearing "Jesus wept.".    I thought that maybe Jesus wept because he didn't know initially that God was planning to raise Lazarus up, and I was planning on making this great analogy that sometimes we don't know that God is planning something glorious just around the corner.    But then today I actually read the story in John 11, and to my surprise, the story was a lot different than I remembered.     In the first couple of verses, Jesus learns that Lazarus is sick, and He tells the disciples, "this sickness is not unto death".   A couple days later, Jesus decides He wants to go visit Lazarus, at which point His disciples freak out.  After all, last time they were in the region, people were trying to stone Jesus.   But Jesus says, "Lazarus is sleeping, and I need to go wake him up."    They were oblivious, so Jesus just laid it out there:   "Lazarus is dead.".     We don't see Him showing any kind of emotion at this point, because He knew that His Father had plans to be glorified and that Lazarus wasn't going to stay dead.    Then He goes to visit the family, and Lazarus' sisters are crying and asking Jesus "why weren't you here?".    And He still remains calm, telling them that they will see Lazarus again.   It wasn't until Jesus saw Mary crying along with the mourners at the grave that we read, "He groaned in the spirit and was troubled," and when He saw the grave he wept.    

We have no record of how long he wept, but we can gather that it was a deep grief by the response of those who witnessed it.  "See how He loved him," they said.     Now, I've heard many pastors teach that Jesus wept because of all the unbelief.    While that may be true, I put this out for consideration, based on Hebrews 4:15 which tells us that Jesus can sympathize with our weaknesses.    I think that Jesus wept because He was confronted with the death of a loved one.   He "had a word", and knew that Lazarus would live again, but when He came face to face with Lazarus' death, He felt grief.      He felt grief, and He wept.    

But then He did something crazy.   He worshiped.   Jesus went to the tomb and started His prayer with, "Father I thank you that you have heard me."   It fascinates me that He started with this statement, because it came right after the weeping.    Psalm 56:8 says that God puts all of our tears into His bottle, and Jesus rested in the fact that His Father heard His cries.    

We all know the rest of the story.   Jesus calls Lazarus out of the grave after being stinky dead for 4 days, and all those who were close glorified God.    

I could be way off, but I don't think that God ever asks us to deny our emotions and the painful things in life. I do believe, however, that He doesn't want us to be ruled by our emotions by focusing on the circumstances.   His plans really are perfect.  His timing is perfect.   His love is perfect.    So if you, like me, struggle sometimes with waiting and believing for His promise, set the alarm clock for 15 minutes, cry, scream and pound your fists.  Then get back up, and worship Him.   He is good.  He loves you.   His grace is bigger and His love is wider and His mercy is higher and He is worthy.   

As we see, so we worship, so we believe, so we live.

When Good Isn't Enough

Today at work I was told that I'm doing some "some things good, not great".    What I heard was "you're doing a terrible job," and I must confess it did not feel good.     I want to be great, not good, and I want other people to think I'm great.

I was so upset, that I donned my party hat and had a full blown pity party on the way home.  I steamed and fumed and just as I was going to start throwing my arms in the air in the tantrum fist pump, I heard a faint whisper.  And while it was hard to hear anything over my bass bumpin' party music, the words "no one is good but God" pierced the air and stopped the party faster than parents coming home early.

You may remember the story in Mark, where the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked Him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?".   Before Jesus' answered his question, He asked one of His own:  "Why do you call me good?  No one is good but One, that is, God."      I don't believe the intent of this statement was to make us all feel badly about ourselves, to wallow in our muck and wrongly assume we can never grow out of where we are.    To me, it seems like Jesus was simply pointing us to His Father.    Is it possible that He was giving us a clue?   

In 1 Samuel 30, we read the story of David who was "greatly distressed because the people spoke of stoning him," so he "strengthened himself in the Lord."     What exactly does that look like?   I have always imagined that it was a lot of positive self-talk, trying to talk myself into believing what I"m saying.  I think I even wrote a song about that once.    But what if that gobblygook doesn't really work, and that's not what David really did?    In the Psalms, David did talk to himself, but here's what he said: "Why so downcast, o my soul?  Put your hope in God!"   He didn't say "Come on David, you're smart, you're good looking and doggone it, people like you.  Pull yourself together!"    He said "God is greater than what's going on here."

God told Jeremiah (9:23-24), "Let not the wise boast of their wisdom, or the strong boast of their strength, or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this:  that they have understanding and know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on the earth, for in these I delight."    Paul echoes the same sentiment in 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me."       

What if it's not about us being great, but rather about us belonging to a great God?   What if we are "strengthened in the Lord" by declaring who He is over our situations and circumstances?    What if His being great is good enough?   While His greatness does not provide us an excuse to remain lazy and mediocre, it covers and empowers us to show His glory.   And isn't that what it's all about anyway?   "No one is good but One, that is, God."

"Who is so great a God as our God?"  ~Ps. 77:13b

When Love Looks Like Poop

"Let ALL that you do be done in love."  ~ 1 Cor 16:14

I love LOVE!  I love romance and being in love and the butterflies in my belly every time I see my husband.   I love being married, and coming home to my love each night.   I love romantic comedies where the guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after.    I love my pets.   The dog cracks me up, and the cat has such a personality (I swear, I don't know where she gets it!). 

I HATE cleaning!   I wish I could snap my fingers and the house would magically be spotless.   I wish that it would never get dirty.   I also HATE cleaning up poop!   The cat box, whew....GROSS!   But even worse is doggy poop.   Now that we live in an apartment, we have to pick up Daisy's doodoo anytime she goes outside.    Can I just say that I'm that girl standing in the yard gagging, hacking and nearly fainting?    And then there's the toilet.   I don't think I need to even expound on that.   YUCK!

Confession:   Sometimes I let the house get messy, the cat box get full and leave poop in the yard.    

I am the queen at making excuses.   My favorites are "I'm tired after a long day of work,"  "I'll do it tomorrow,"  "I have more important things to work on," and the best excuse is "It's Paul's turn!  He should have done it already!"     I have a lot more, but these are my most well-worn.    

I think that Jesus probably could have made those same excuses when it came to washing His disciples feet.   He actually had better excuses, like "I'm GOD!  They should wash my feet!".   And He would have been right, and no one would have questioned Him.    But instead, He took off His coat, got down on His knees, and washed the poop off of each of His disciples' stinky feet.   He didn't question.  He didn't procrastinate.   He didn't think it beneath Him.   He didn't wait for someone to do it because it was their turn.  He simply loved them enough to step out of His position and meet their basest needs.   

Sometimes, love looks like doing the dishes, folding laundry, cooking dinner, changing diapers, cleaning cat boxes.   Sometimes love looks like poop.

Just Like Me

Confession:   I think that everyone should be just like me.

Doesn't that just sound ridiculous?    When I say it out loud, it screams ARROGANCE!     It's easy to hide this though.  It's easy to pretend that I don't really believe that.    But it comes out in the darndest ways.    

It comes out in my marriage, when I think that Paul should read my mind or should want Chinese food for dinner or should want to watch that chic flick.

It shows up at work in meetings with other managers, in dealing with employees I think should approach their job the same way I do, in assessing values to claims, when others are promoted before me.

It shows up in the church community, when I believe that I have greater revelation than another denomination, when worship doesn't go the way I think it should, or when people are in leadership that I don't agree with.

It shows up in patriotism, when I believe the US is better than other nations, when I believe that everyone learns and believes history they way I do, or when I think that other countries and cultures should embrace our western ways.   

It shows up in the grocery store when I think that mom should get a handle on her kids.  

It shows up on the road when I think everyone should drive like me.   

It's crazy, because I really do love the uniqueness of people, cultures, denominations.   I love that we all see different facets of the same jewels.   What I haven't quite conquered yet is the thought that my way of thinking may not be the only right way of thinking.   It's always easy to appreciate someone else's point of view if they're wrong!   But what if they are right?   What if there are more right ways of thinking than wrong ways?   What if it's not a matter of right v. wrong, but just different?

Paul addresses this a bit in Philippians 2:4 when he says, "in humility, value others better than yourselves."    What if we really did value others better than ourselves?   What if I really valued their points of view, their beliefs, their cultures, their politics better than mine?

Now, there is a line here that we do not want to cross.   I am not talking about universalism, "all roads lead to God", or a relative morality.    The Bible is very clear that Jesus is THE way, THE truth and THE life, and that no one comes to the Father without coming through Him.    What I am talking about, though, is the silly arguments we can get into over the minutiae.   What if tattoos aren't really what's keeping me out of heaven?   What if worship without instruments is just as beautiful as a full band and choir?   What if the still small voice of God is screaming through someone who thinks differently than me?    That would make sense. After all, wasn't it God who said, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways."?      

The great news is that we have a super special gift!   The Holy Spirit teaches us about everything, and reveals God in everything, and He guides our hearts and minds.    We have been given the mind of Christ, so we have access to His thoughts!   What if we took captive every single one of our thoughts, and allowed His thoughts alone?   I wonder how different our lives would look.   I bet His world is amazingly beautiful, full of passion and purpose.   That's how I want to see this world and the people He loves so much.   

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."  ~Romans 12:2

Ideal or Idol?

I love the Olympics.   For 2 weeks every two years, we see the world come together in an amazing display of athleticism and artistry and nationalism.   I love that random sports take center stage (hammer throw, dressage or track cycling anyone?), and that I find myself cheering as if I know what's going on.    Especially fun for me are the special interest stories.   You know, the feel good stories of how the families sacrificed and the athletes overcame all odds and how they've lived their whole lives for this single event?

Some of the stories truly are amazing.   I've been so moved by Oscar Pistorius and his triumph over adversity.    I heard it said that his mother used to tell him to just put on his legs and do whatever his brother was doing, whether running or climbing a tree.   What a beautiful piece of parenting - calling out the destiny in her son.

Then there are those stories that you hear that just make your heart break.    For example, the Chinese diver whose parents didn't tell her that her grandparents had died...SIX years ago!   In an interview, the father said that he had given up his dreams of "family happiness" because he realized that she didn't belong to them only.   They didn't tell her about her grandparents, because they didn't want to distract her from winning the gold medal in the Olympics.   

It's amazing to hear families talk about how they sent their 12 year old to another state to train, or how their 6 year old was enrolled in an aquatic center, or how their child was home only 4 times in the last 12 years.   In a similar fashion, the athletes talk about training for hours and hours and hours a day, and missing high school or childhood events.   And all of this to win the gold medal. But, when they only win a silver, there is heartbreak, devastation, and shame.   This happened to one of our US gymnasts this year.  She was added to the team because of her vault super-power.    Her entire Olympic experience was 5 vaults which took less than 5 minutes.   And although she is the best valuter in the world, she sat down, and won silver.    Her face showed it all.  Ideally, she would have won gold.   When she didn't, there was devastation.

On the flip side, you see athletes who come in with absolutely zero chance of winning, but come in and give it their all.   Take, for instance, the rower from Africa who came in almost 2 minutes after everyone else had already finished.  He was just thrilled to be there.    And, what about that Missy Franklin?  At 17, she has already won a couple of Olympic medals and has rocketed to athletic celebrity.   After she came in 4th in one race, she was interviewed about how she felt (which, by the way, is the dumbest question ever-how do you think they feel?).   She smiled, looked at the reporter straight in the eye and said, "I think that 4th in the Olympics is pretty good, don't you?"   As a side note, Missy has turned down multiple endorsement offers, choosing to remain amateur so she can continue to swim with her high school and eventual college teams. 

My question is simple.  "Is it worth it?"   Is the gold medal the "ideal", or does it become an "idol"?   Is it possible to strive toward perfection, but maintain balance?    While the answer may differ, each of us must answer one question, "Who is my master?"    I can tell you that athletics or striving for a gold medal will NEVER become my master (so I guess I can just check out here, right?).   But, can I say without a doubt that there are no idols masquerading as ideals in my life?   

Merriam-Webster defines "ideal" as a standard of perfection, beauty or excellence; an ultimate object of aim or endeavor.     Another definition is "existing as a mental image or in fancy or in imagination only; lacking practicality".     I must confess, I have had some "ideals" in my life (maybe still do).    Ideally, I would love to be able to sustain my standard of living by writing music and traveling the world.   Ideally, I would have 5 kiddos and a big house in the middle of nowhere (preferably somewhere in Europe).    Ideally....Ideally....Ideally....    In the middle of chasing these "ideals", I somehow began focus on the fact that my current circumstances were less than ideal.    Then I became ungrateful.   Then I told God that His plans for me weren't "ideal".   Wow, that hurts just typing that out.   Whew.... Maybe that's why Jesus told us that "No one can serve two masters.  Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other." (Matt 6:24a) 

Now, for those who might get your knickers in a twist, I believe that God is a God of excellence.   And I do believe that He has different giftings in and for each of us, which could look like training for hours every day to become a gold medalist.     You are not an idol worshiper if you want to be the best in your field.    Ideally, we would be the top of our given fields.    All I am saying is that our hearts can be fickle, and sometimes we get our vowels crossed.     Let's be a people of ideals, not idols.    

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?   Run in such a way as to get the prize."  ~1 Cor 9:24

Red Pill or Blue Pill?

 
If God had a face, what would it look like
And would you want to see it
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in Jesus
and the saints and in all the prophets
~Joan Osborne from "If God Was One of Us"



Morpheus gave Neo a choice.   He could take the blue pill which would keep him in the Matrix, allowing him to wake up the next day completely oblivious to the reality of said Matrix.    His other option was the red pill.   This pill would change the entire course of his life, open his eyes to the realities of the Matrix, and would never be able to return to his old way of life.    The choice was his.

Confession:   Sometimes I don't want to see. 

But sometimes I do.   The problem with seeing is that we become responsible for what we see.   So, the truer confession is "I don't want to be responsible for what I see."   The more we look at God and see Him for who He is, the more we become like Him.   The "becoming" is the hard part.   And it looks different for each of us, even varying by issue.   For me lately it has been a giant spotlight exposing the hidden crevices of my heart.  As one who likes to remain hidden, this has not been particularly fun.    However, God's light is pure love, and His radiance is so overwhelming that I find myself wooed into this spotlight.

We can't be discouraged, though.  Unlike The Matrix, there is more reward than risk in seeing.   When we risk the spotlight, our Father steps into it with us.   This allows us to see more of Him as He's revealing the deepest parts of us.     It looks like this:
God:   Christi, let's step into the light.
Me:     I don't wanna! (in my best toddler tantrum voice)
God:   Come on, sweetheart.  I'll come with you.  I have some cool things to show you.
Me:     *Sigh*  Ok.
           ***stepping into the light***
God:   Do you see that anger in your heart?    Why are you so angry about this situation?
Me:     Don't you see how much it hurt me?  
God:   I do see, and I know it hurt you.   Is remaining angry helping you feel better?
Me:    Ummmmm.....
God:   Do you think you might be ready to forgive?
Me:    No way, Jose!   I just can't.
God:   What if I helped you?   I'm a pretty awesome forgiver.   Would that make it a little easier?
Me:    If you're an awesome forgiver, why don't YOU forgive and leave me out of it?  (I'm sure no one else
          is this rude or sarcastic to God, but these are my confessions, and I have said this exact thing).
God:   I can't really leave you out of it, because you're already in it.    Do you smell that?   It's the poop of  
          unforgiveness, and it's only making you more stinky.   Are you ready to hop in my shower of grace?
Me:    You're right. It is kinda stinky in here.  This is hard....
God:   Take my hand...we're going to do it together.   Ready? 

When we are weak, He is strong!    When we have lack, He is more than enough!   When we see Him, we become like Him!   As we become like Him, the world around us changes, because no one can encounter His presence and remain the same.     Will you risk seeing?