Not My Favorite Workout

Confession:   I think my forgive switch has flipped it's last time, as there is no forgiveness coming from the vents of this heart right now.

I understand that forgiveness is a choice, and that there really is no such thing as a "forgive switch", but this has been one heck of a season, and I could swear that my forgive switch has simply worn out.  

I am convinced that the subject of my angst, this person that I would rather strangle than bless, has been placed in my life just to work out my forgiveness muscle.   The problem is that my muscle is strained, and I'm not getting any time off to rest.   Oh, I had a couple week respit, but now it's like I'm being forced to run a marathon when I haven't even walked a mile.    I'm out of breath, everything hurts, and I'm pretty sure that my heart is going to explode.  

I know that I need to forgive and bless and pray for this person, but the truth is I just don't want to.   I will, eventually, get sick of the battle between my head and the Spirit, and I will forgive for the 491st time.  Does this earn me extra jewels in my crown since I've now forgiven more than the required 70 x 7?  Probably not, since I've been forgiven 491 million times.    The truth is that it's very possible that I may be this same person in someone else's life, needing to be forgiven on a daily basis (while I really do hope that's not the case).

It's amazing to me what unforgiveness and anger and hurt actually do to a person.   I have been on edge, fidgety and just downright miserable.   And while the solution seems so simple, it's hard to do in real life.   It's hard to get past the hurt, the frustration, the helpless feeling of being poked until you're raw.   It's hard to forgive when you know that the other person is not going to change and you'll just have to repeat the process again.    It's hard, but it's not impossible.  

Jesus set the perfect example.  He knew that Judas was going to betray Him, and yet Jesus forgave him even BEFORE the full pain of the betrayal set in.   How do I know that?  He greeted Judas with a kiss and called him friend when Judas was bringing the army to arrest Him.    Who does that?    The cool thing is that the same Spirit lives in us, and we have all been given a measure of grace, which means we are empowered to do all that God has called us to do.   This means we are empowered to forgive.   We are empowered to release mercy to our Judases.   

Silly me, my forgive switch didn't break.  I just forgot to turn it on.   


"Freely you have received.  Freely Give."  ~ Jesus     

PS:  For those who may be concerned, the person causing me angst is NOT my husband!  We are still very happy, healthy, and very much in love.