The Doldrums of Daily Living

This is part 2 of my mini-series, Excuses, Excuses, Excuses (you can read Part 1 here).  Today I think I'm going to tackle Excuses 1 and 2:   I'm too tired; I just want to relax, and I work a "secular" job that saps all my energy and strength. 

I think this is a good place to start, since today I'm tired and feel completely drained after a 10 hour day at that "secular" job, so the passion around these excuses is fresh and operating at a higher level than most days.  

First, I would like to start with the statement that I am so grateful that I have a job, especially in a time in our nation where there are millions that are unemployed and underemployed.   I am grateful that I have a good job, with benefits, that uses my strengths and stretches me in my weaknesses causing me to grow, both professionally and personally.  I count myself among the blessed in this regard.  I am also grateful for the nice vehicle I have that takes me to work, and that I can afford the gas to feed the beast, even though the commute is longer than I like.

The struggle comes in the chasm between my dreams and what I believe I am created to do and the reality of what I'm actually doing.   This chasm seems so deep and so vast that the Grand Canyon would look like a mere divot in comparison.    It is in the dark crevices of this chasm that my excuses find a place to linger and fester.

I was actually whining to God about this recently, as I was sitting in the parking lot that is also known as Highway 121.  I was just feeling "blah" and told God that I was tired of the "doldrums of daily living", and that I was ready to step into my destiny, living my adventure with Him (doesn't that just sound so spiritual?).   And His response was simply, "to obey is better than sacrifice".    He didn't expound.  He didn't lecture.  He didn't entertain my silliness or pouty face.    He simply gave me a sentence to chew on for the next few hours, days, weeks. 

This verse is from 1 Samuel 15:22, toward the end of a story in which King Saul disobeys God's direct order to completely destroy the enemy and not take any spoils (including livestock).   When the prophet, Samuel, confronts King Saul's disobedience, he makes the excuse that he took the livestock so that he could sacrifice to God.    Samuel responded with a question, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams."   

I've been chewing on it for the last few weeks, and I will be the first to tell you that it does not taste like the finest chocolate or juiciest steak, but rather like a mouthful of liver and non-flavored rice cakes.   Here are some of my non-scholarly thoughts on the matter (in no particular order):

• I wonder how many times I've justified my disobedience with an explanation that it's really to God's benefit?  
• One of the primary acts of worship in the Old Testament was sacrifice.  It was the act of honoring God, of seeking redemption, or restoring relationship with Him.   Could we restate the question as "does God delight in worship as much as He does obedience"?  Is it possible that obedience is a greater display of our worship, as it requires us to put Him above ourselves?
• What if, for me, "obedience" looks like the "doldrums of daily living"?   What if God delights in me being faithful in a job I don't feel called to, more than He does in my pursuit of the calling I believe He has on my life?
• What if obedience requires the sacrifice of my ideas, my thoughts, my agendas, my comfort?
• What if obedience means that I will have to press through being weary and drained, and allow Him to be strong through me to accomplish what He is asking of me?   Is that what He meant when He said, "My grace is sufficient for you"?
• What if my worship ("sacrifice") is not delighting God because I am in disobedience?
• What if there is a bigger purpose for my "doldrums" than I can see?   
• Why does disobedience sound like such a harsh word?

What does all of this have to do with my "excuses"?   Well, I don't know all the answers to that question, but I have a sneaky suspicion that obedience is simply the first step in eradicating the festering fungus of my excuses.   My heart's greatest desire is to please the Lord, to delight His heart, and He said that He delights in obedience.   I bet that means He has a master plan, and longs for us to walk in all He's designed for us - but we'll only know the way if we listen for His voice and follow His ways.   Sometimes, that will mean walking in something we don't understand.  Other times it will mean walking when we're too tired to stand.   And, sometimes, it will mean being faithful in the "doldrums of daily living".