Though None Go With Me...

In my fifth and final installment of "Excuses, Excuses, Excuses", I'm going to cover my two most painful excuses:
5.   I feel alone; there is no one to work with me toward achieving my dream.
6.   No one even notices my gifts; no one believes in me.

I've brought these together, because they often intertwine and gang up on me, feeding me /lies like, "you must have missed your calling,"  or "you're past your prime, and now no one will support you moving forward," or "you don't fit in anywhere."    While my head computes these as lies, it is a full on fight to get my heart in line with the truth.  

These heart and head battles have been at an all time high lately, so I've been spending a lot of time working through them, and lately, my thoughts have settled around Joseph.    He is one of my favorite dreamers in the Bible!    I like to think that he could relate if I whined to him!    Growing up with 11 older brothers would make anyone crazy, but then you add the fact that he had all these dreams about him ruling over his family, and watch out world!  Yikes!   I wonder what he thought when he sat in the pit, alone, listening to his brothers laugh and talk and walk away.   I wonder if he questioned God about those dreams of ruling as he sat in the dark mire. And then he was rescued and sold into slavery.  But maybe, he thought, this was his chance to get out of the shadow of his brothers and a glimmer of hope resurfaced.  And for a while it looked like he was well on his way to dreams fulfilled, as he was given a prominent position in Potiphar's house.   As Joseph took care of the second most important man in Egypt, hope began to grow - God's word was going to be fulfilled, and soon!    Then, the craziest thing happened!  Out of the blue, Potiphar's wife started hitting on him, even begging him to have an affair with her.    In an effort to do the right thing, Joseph ran away, leaving his coat behind.   Embarrassed, Potiphar's wife used it turn the situation around, and once again, Joseph's dreams are dashed.

Sitting in prison for a crime he was falsely accused of, Joseph was left again with questions.  How does one rule from a prison cell?  But he continued to serve faithfully, and found favor, even in prison.  And soon he found himself interpreting dreams for 2 different servants of the king, with promises that they would please his case with the king.  Hope glimmered again - maybe these guys would be the ones to help him get to his fulfilled dreams.   Each day could be the day!  Soon he would be out, and in with the king!  He knew some people!   But then day turned to night, and then the next day turned to night, and days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years.   Each night, Joseph laid his head down on his rocky pillow, and those dreams seemed more like the crazy imaginations of a kid than anything that could really happen.

You probably know the rest of the story.   After 2 years in prison, the king had a dream that no one could interpret and the servant who had previously been in prison suddenly remembered, and Joseph was called, and then rose to a position second only to the king!  As a side note, it appears that he actually jumped over Potiphar in importance in the kingdom (that just occurred to me as I typed - interesting, huh?).

Throughout those years, the dreams never vanished.    They resonated in his heart.   But circumstances and people disappointed time and time and time again.   What made Joseph successful?   He never once stopped believing in the God who gave him the dream.    He never made the dream his priority.  He never put others in front of God.   He kept the dream in his heart, but his heart he kept in the Lord.   His hope remained in God, and He is the Hope that never fails.

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."    ~Rom 5:5

Confession:   I've looked to others to believe in me and help me fulfill my dreams, rather than keeping my heart and hope in the Dream-giver.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

No turning back,

No turning back.

 

ADHD - Christi Style

"he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."  ~James 1:8

In my fourth installment of Excuses, Excuses, Excuses, I will be exploring my fourth excuse for inactivity:  "I have too many things to work on, I don't know where to start."    I am an extremely creative person, with a huge dose of curiosity.   I love to dream and create and imagine new things, as well as learning about just about anything.    This is a huge blessing, as I see the world in vibrant color with a limitless palate of possibility.   However, there can be one major downfall....DISTRACTION.    I have a hard time focusing on one thing for very long without questions or ideas or random thoughts sneak in.   It's the craziest thing.  For example, I can be working on a spreadsheet at work, and see the word, "spectrum" and immediately I wonder what that means, and what is the color spectrum, and did you know that colors bleed into each other and are created by different things?    Paul calls it "spaghetti-ing" - I can go from one thing to another completely unrelated thing with little to no effort.    

While I could easily dismiss it as they way I am, I have found that it hinders productivity.  At work, I have had to develop a "creativity log", a place where I can jot down an idea or thought or question for me to explore later, just so I can get my work done.    When it comes to working in my calling, I have so many ideas and dreams and desires that I get overwhelmed and end up just sitting and doing nothing. 

It's not really that I don't want to work, but I get so excited about one thing, only to get excited about another thing, then another.   I have half written songs, an unopened Rosetta Stone, blog titles with no posts, and so on.    It's something I know to work on.  And it's something that I am working on.   I haven't yet discovered the answer, but I have found a few things that are helping (and that I'm being convicted of):

1.  Turn off the tv or radio.  
It is hard to focus on more than one thing at any given time.    Society calls it "multi-tasking" and praises the efficiency of doing multiple things at once.   I have discovered, however, that multi-tasking means I'm doing a lot of things half-well, rather than with all of my focus and my ability.  This leads me to number 2.

2.  Quit Multi-Tasking!
One of the biggest distractions for me happens to be anything electronic.   As noted above, turning the tv and radio off help, but I have also determined that I need to turn my phone off (or leave it in another room), close down the extra tabs I have open (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, can I get an amen?).    If I am writing or reading, the last thing I need is to be pulled away by that great recipe on Pinterest that I will never actually cook (maybe that's because I'm on Pinterest instead of in the kitchen, but that's a different post altogether).

3.  LISTEN!
This should probably be number 1.    The question I should be asking every day is "What are You breathing on today, God?".    For those of us with a lot of interests and a lot of creativity, it's easy to get overwhelmed by everything you want to do.    I want to learn multiple languages, and read a book a week, and learn how to draw, to take better pictures, to study the Word, to write more songs, to learn how to play jazz, to..... And the truth is simply that there is not enough time in a day to do all of this and be excellent in my job and as a wife.   So, while all of this is in my heart, there is an issue of timing that arises.   Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a time for everything.   So, if my heart's desire is truly to advance His Kingdom (which it is), than I need to figure out what He's breathing on and partner with Him in that.   It's very possible that there will be more productivity and less frustration in that place, but that's just a hunch!  ;-)

4.  Nike - JUST DO IT!
James 4:17 tells us, "To him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."   Simply put, that means that when I feel the Lord say that it's time to open the computer and blog, and I sit and play a mindless game on the phone instead, than it's sin for me.    The sin is not the game on the phone, but my disobedience.    Ouch!  (Please allow me to pause here while I take some time in the woodshed with my Father.)

God loves rest.   He instituted Sabbath after working 6 days, and He says that Sabbath is a promise we have through Him.   He is not a slave-driver, who wants to drive us to work all the time.  It's never been about performance anyway.   He is, instead, a loving Father who sees the gift in His daughter and says, "I know you want to play outside, but you need to practice the piano for 30 minutes.  Then you can go play."   He has so lovingly placed so many gifts in each one of us, gifts that the world needs.   It is our privilege to partner with Him in bringing His Kingdom to earth.   It is out of this place that we move into discipline, which never seems pleasant at the time, but is a blessing and reward.     And maybe the distraction is simply that I've taken my eyes off of Him.   Hmmm....suddenly it seems pretty simple after all. 

It's Too Hard

This is part 3 of my "Excuses, Excuses, Excuses" series, and as you can tell, my excuses have gotten the best of me.  Be assured, though, I now have more motivation to get this series done, as I have other things that I want to confess and talk about and I don't want to interrupt my own thoughts!

So here we go.   Excuse #3:  It's too hard.

Last week, Paul and I were on a getaway trip.  We ventured through the "hill country" of Texas, visiting different caves and cities.  One stop we made was called "Enchanted Rock".   All of the brochures indicated that it was a short hike up the second largest stone mountain in America, and that it was "worth the hike" to see the views.    The lady that sold us our passes into the park said that the hike was like climbing stairs the whole way up.  So, off we went.   As a disclaimer for those who don't know me, I am not in they best shape - in fact, the only shape I'm in is ROUND!  So, any kind of climbing is a feat for me.

As we climbed, we reached a point where the "stairs" ended, and the "trail" was simply the face of the rock that you had to climb.   I tried to quit there, but Paul said "just take a few minutes, then we'll go on".   This happened 2 other times, and then I finally hit my breaking point.   Every joint, every muscle, every thing in me could not go on any further.   So I sat down.  Paul tried his best to encourage me that I could make it to the top, but I just knew that I could not take another step.   So, I sat down, about half way up the mountain, and waited for him to climb to the top.

I sat on a rock near tears as I watched him disappear in the distance.   I wanted to go further, but it was just too hard.   After a few minutes, I heard a faint whisper, "He makes my feet like hinds feet, and sets me in high places".   So, I got up and climbed some more.   I didn't make it all the way to the top, but I made it way farther than I thought I could times three.

All of this got me to thinking, dangerous, I know.   What if we are not meant to do the hard stuff by ourselves?  What if the plan all along was for us to need Him to be strong enough through us, rather than us fighting through ourselves?  What if He's calling us to take just one more step, because He knows that we can make it to the top?   I want to take that step.  

The Doldrums of Daily Living

This is part 2 of my mini-series, Excuses, Excuses, Excuses (you can read Part 1 here).  Today I think I'm going to tackle Excuses 1 and 2:   I'm too tired; I just want to relax, and I work a "secular" job that saps all my energy and strength. 

I think this is a good place to start, since today I'm tired and feel completely drained after a 10 hour day at that "secular" job, so the passion around these excuses is fresh and operating at a higher level than most days.  

First, I would like to start with the statement that I am so grateful that I have a job, especially in a time in our nation where there are millions that are unemployed and underemployed.   I am grateful that I have a good job, with benefits, that uses my strengths and stretches me in my weaknesses causing me to grow, both professionally and personally.  I count myself among the blessed in this regard.  I am also grateful for the nice vehicle I have that takes me to work, and that I can afford the gas to feed the beast, even though the commute is longer than I like.

The struggle comes in the chasm between my dreams and what I believe I am created to do and the reality of what I'm actually doing.   This chasm seems so deep and so vast that the Grand Canyon would look like a mere divot in comparison.    It is in the dark crevices of this chasm that my excuses find a place to linger and fester.

I was actually whining to God about this recently, as I was sitting in the parking lot that is also known as Highway 121.  I was just feeling "blah" and told God that I was tired of the "doldrums of daily living", and that I was ready to step into my destiny, living my adventure with Him (doesn't that just sound so spiritual?).   And His response was simply, "to obey is better than sacrifice".    He didn't expound.  He didn't lecture.  He didn't entertain my silliness or pouty face.    He simply gave me a sentence to chew on for the next few hours, days, weeks. 

This verse is from 1 Samuel 15:22, toward the end of a story in which King Saul disobeys God's direct order to completely destroy the enemy and not take any spoils (including livestock).   When the prophet, Samuel, confronts King Saul's disobedience, he makes the excuse that he took the livestock so that he could sacrifice to God.    Samuel responded with a question, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams."   

I've been chewing on it for the last few weeks, and I will be the first to tell you that it does not taste like the finest chocolate or juiciest steak, but rather like a mouthful of liver and non-flavored rice cakes.   Here are some of my non-scholarly thoughts on the matter (in no particular order):

• I wonder how many times I've justified my disobedience with an explanation that it's really to God's benefit?  
• One of the primary acts of worship in the Old Testament was sacrifice.  It was the act of honoring God, of seeking redemption, or restoring relationship with Him.   Could we restate the question as "does God delight in worship as much as He does obedience"?  Is it possible that obedience is a greater display of our worship, as it requires us to put Him above ourselves?
• What if, for me, "obedience" looks like the "doldrums of daily living"?   What if God delights in me being faithful in a job I don't feel called to, more than He does in my pursuit of the calling I believe He has on my life?
• What if obedience requires the sacrifice of my ideas, my thoughts, my agendas, my comfort?
• What if obedience means that I will have to press through being weary and drained, and allow Him to be strong through me to accomplish what He is asking of me?   Is that what He meant when He said, "My grace is sufficient for you"?
• What if my worship ("sacrifice") is not delighting God because I am in disobedience?
• What if there is a bigger purpose for my "doldrums" than I can see?   
• Why does disobedience sound like such a harsh word?

What does all of this have to do with my "excuses"?   Well, I don't know all the answers to that question, but I have a sneaky suspicion that obedience is simply the first step in eradicating the festering fungus of my excuses.   My heart's greatest desire is to please the Lord, to delight His heart, and He said that He delights in obedience.   I bet that means He has a master plan, and longs for us to walk in all He's designed for us - but we'll only know the way if we listen for His voice and follow His ways.   Sometimes, that will mean walking in something we don't understand.  Other times it will mean walking when we're too tired to stand.   And, sometimes, it will mean being faithful in the "doldrums of daily living".

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Today has been a hard day for my ego.   You see, over the last few weeks, I've been starting to feel pretty good about how my walk with God has been going, and the fact that He's been speaking to me in new ways.   But today, I didn't really like what He had to say very much.

It actually started yesterday, when I had plans to get a few things done that I've been telling myself I would have done by the end of September (yes, today is November 4).   Instead, I played on Pinterest all day long, looking at new projects that I can do (completely ignoring the fact that I had several that are still sitting there undone).    I managed to ignore the twinge of guilt as I mindlessly scrolled through pages of brilliance, and then played video games with Paul, and then again when I played games on my phone.   After a day of doing absolutely nothing, I was exhausted, so I didn't even feel the guilt when I fell soundly asleep looking forward to my extra hour of sleep (thanks Daylight Savings for giving me the hour you took in March!).  

Then this morning, we had a guest speaker who is one of the leading missions strategists in the world, and he was talking about where we are in the world, and the crises that we are experiencing, he mentioned a group of people labeled "heroes" (from one of the hundreds of sociology books he's read).    These "heroes" are the young adults who have been described as "entitled, lazy, apathetic, selfish" who suddenly rise up with purpose when faced with a crisis, and they are usually in their 20's and 30's.   He was saying that we need to pray for these heroes to discover their purpose, and awaken out of their complacency in order to see the world changed.   Immediately, I was convicted, as I fall in this age range, and I know that I am not living up to my full potential and doing all that God has designed me to do.  

Because I'm still quite thick-headed, I got home and sat down with the computer to start blogging again (yes, it's been a couple weeks, and I'm not very proud of that), but was completely distracted by looking at the news, when I ran across an article titled, "Please, Stop Following Your Dreams" by Phil Cooke.   I was intrigued, thinking that there would be something in there that might help me justify my inaction and make me feel better about myself.   But alas, that was simply a pipe dream, and I really should have known better.   What I read was a challenge to be what I am designed to be, ending with the question "Have you done the time?"    Cooke elaborates on the fact that fulfilling what you're destined to fulfill takes work and commitment, both of which take discipline (our favorite word, right?).   

So, in response to all of this, I wasted the entire afternoon, watching tv, playing on my phone, and laying on the couch before returning to church for a special service.   The same speaker spoke after an extended time of worship, during which I could barely stand.    I knew that I had to write this post as soon as I got home and confess.  Instead of publishing this as one super long post, I will break it down over a couple of days.  

I will start with my confession.    I have been making the following excuses to justify my laziness:
1.   I'm too tired; I just want to relax.
2.   I have to work a "secular" job that saps all my energy and strength.
3.   It's too hard.
4.   I have too many things to work on, I don't know where to start.
5.   I feel alone; there is no one to work with me toward achieving my dream.
6.   No one even notices my gifts; no one believes in me.

In Luke 14, Jesus tells a parable of a rich man who throws a great feast, but the people he invites all make excuses as to why they can't come.   Then he tells his servants to go invite the poor, the lame, the homeless instead.    While many equate this passage (v. 15-24) to the end-time harvest, I think that it might also be relevant to us today.   In v. 15, Jesus says, "Blessed is he who shall eat bread in the kingdom of God," and Jesus says earlier that the kingdom of God is NOW and is among us.  So what is this bread?   When Jesus was tempted by the devil in the wilderness to work a miracle and provide for himself something to eat, Jesus defeated him by saying "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."    During His sermon on the mount, He said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."    And let's not forget that He said, "I am the Bread of Life".     So, what if this parable is not about who is getting "saved", but rather about those of us who are already in relationship with God (in the story, the man was likely inviting his friends, not strangers), and the call to sit at His table and dine on His words, fulfilling the plans and purposes He has for our lives?

Take a look at the text and think about it....We'll pick up here next time, exploring some of these excuses.

Now when one of those who sat at the table with Him heard these things, he said to Him, "Blessed is he who shall eat bread in the kingdom of God!” Then He said to him, “A certain man gave a great supper and invited many, and sent his servant at supper time to say to those who were invited, ‘Come, for all things are now ready.’ But they all with one accord began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of ground, and I must go and see it. I ask you to have me excused.’ And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to test them. I ask you to have me excused.’ Still another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’ So that servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house, being angry, said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in here the poor and the maimed and the lame and the blind.’ And the servant said, ‘Master, it is done as you commanded, and still there is room.’Then the master said to the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled. For I say to you that none of those men who were invited shall taste my supper.’”