All Cheese, No Wine

 

 

 

 

 

Confession:   Sometimes I am embarrassed to be a Christian.

None of these sayings are untrue, per se, but do we really believe that anyone is won to Christ by guilting them into reading the "instruction manual" or made them feel bad for "taking God for granted"?   Or, do lightbulbs suddenly pop up over someone's head when we remind them how Christmas is spelled?    Can we really reduce our radical faith to platitudes?

It's not just little pictures and sayings, but it shows up in our bumper stickers, our clothes, our music, our books.   It's almost like we feel we have to counter culture by creating our own culture/world and then show it off.    And because we've created such a good world, people are flocking to us, right?

I'm not saying that Christian music, t-shirts and bumper stickers are bad.   I'm just wondering if we have a clue about how our "message" is being perceived.    Why do we feel like we have to talk so much?    What if we lived our faith so radically that our message was clear without words?

Why do we have so much cheese, if we're not allowed to drink wine?

Pictures courtesy of a yahoo search for "christian sayings".

Making Mountains out of Molehills

Confession:  I have found myself picking up and holding on to offenses a lot lately.

It's no secret that offenses are just laying around, ripe for the taking.   There are people that say hurtful things, there are people we disagree with, unfulfilled expectations, traumatic events, and those are just the tip of the iceberg.    You would think that these would be enough to wrestle with and run away from, but I've discovered a particularly annoying gift that I have to create new offenses.

Now, this probably doesn't make sense for most of you, but as the creative soul that I am, I can make any glance, any word, any slight a giant offense.    It works like this:   I catch a glance from someone while they're thinking about something completely unrelated, but because of my wild imagination and insecurity, I create a scenario in which they feel a certain way about me.   Then I get mad that they feel that way, because they're the ones who have done wrong to me, and there goes the crazy cycle.

Sitting here typing this out makes it all sound completely ridiculous, and it is.   Why in the world do I make things more complicated and dramatic than they are?  Why do I assume the worst in people?    These are the questions that I've been wrestling with for the last couple weeks, as the offenses have gotten too heavy to carry.   And here are some of the not so lovely things I have confronted:

• I have been looking to people to help me fulfill dreams that God has given me.
• Why?  Because somewhere deep inside, I still don't trust that God will fulfill His word to me.
• So, I've been projecting this disappointment and doubt onto those I love, and those who love me.
• Maybe the One I'm offended by is not the one I'm looking at.

And, suddenly it's becoming a little more clear.  Maybe this is why Paul prayed in Ephesians that we would have a greater revelation of His love.  Maybe this is why the song that has been stuck in my head for the last 2 weeks is the old hymn, "O, The Deep Deep Love of Jesus". 

O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of Your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Your glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Spread His praise from shore to shore,
How His love is never-ending,
And it changes nevermore;
How He watches o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He’s interceding,
Watching o’er them from the throne.

O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Love of ev’ry love the best:
‘Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
‘Tis a haven sweet of rest.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus!
‘Tis a heav’n of heav’ns to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me up to Thee.

by Samuel Trevor Francis
  

Though None Go With Me...

In my fifth and final installment of "Excuses, Excuses, Excuses", I'm going to cover my two most painful excuses:
5.   I feel alone; there is no one to work with me toward achieving my dream.
6.   No one even notices my gifts; no one believes in me.

I've brought these together, because they often intertwine and gang up on me, feeding me /lies like, "you must have missed your calling,"  or "you're past your prime, and now no one will support you moving forward," or "you don't fit in anywhere."    While my head computes these as lies, it is a full on fight to get my heart in line with the truth.  

These heart and head battles have been at an all time high lately, so I've been spending a lot of time working through them, and lately, my thoughts have settled around Joseph.    He is one of my favorite dreamers in the Bible!    I like to think that he could relate if I whined to him!    Growing up with 11 older brothers would make anyone crazy, but then you add the fact that he had all these dreams about him ruling over his family, and watch out world!  Yikes!   I wonder what he thought when he sat in the pit, alone, listening to his brothers laugh and talk and walk away.   I wonder if he questioned God about those dreams of ruling as he sat in the dark mire. And then he was rescued and sold into slavery.  But maybe, he thought, this was his chance to get out of the shadow of his brothers and a glimmer of hope resurfaced.  And for a while it looked like he was well on his way to dreams fulfilled, as he was given a prominent position in Potiphar's house.   As Joseph took care of the second most important man in Egypt, hope began to grow - God's word was going to be fulfilled, and soon!    Then, the craziest thing happened!  Out of the blue, Potiphar's wife started hitting on him, even begging him to have an affair with her.    In an effort to do the right thing, Joseph ran away, leaving his coat behind.   Embarrassed, Potiphar's wife used it turn the situation around, and once again, Joseph's dreams are dashed.

Sitting in prison for a crime he was falsely accused of, Joseph was left again with questions.  How does one rule from a prison cell?  But he continued to serve faithfully, and found favor, even in prison.  And soon he found himself interpreting dreams for 2 different servants of the king, with promises that they would please his case with the king.  Hope glimmered again - maybe these guys would be the ones to help him get to his fulfilled dreams.   Each day could be the day!  Soon he would be out, and in with the king!  He knew some people!   But then day turned to night, and then the next day turned to night, and days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years.   Each night, Joseph laid his head down on his rocky pillow, and those dreams seemed more like the crazy imaginations of a kid than anything that could really happen.

You probably know the rest of the story.   After 2 years in prison, the king had a dream that no one could interpret and the servant who had previously been in prison suddenly remembered, and Joseph was called, and then rose to a position second only to the king!  As a side note, it appears that he actually jumped over Potiphar in importance in the kingdom (that just occurred to me as I typed - interesting, huh?).

Throughout those years, the dreams never vanished.    They resonated in his heart.   But circumstances and people disappointed time and time and time again.   What made Joseph successful?   He never once stopped believing in the God who gave him the dream.    He never made the dream his priority.  He never put others in front of God.   He kept the dream in his heart, but his heart he kept in the Lord.   His hope remained in God, and He is the Hope that never fails.

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."    ~Rom 5:5

Confession:   I've looked to others to believe in me and help me fulfill my dreams, rather than keeping my heart and hope in the Dream-giver.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

Though none go with me,

Still I will follow.

No turning back,

No turning back.

 

ADHD - Christi Style

"he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."  ~James 1:8

In my fourth installment of Excuses, Excuses, Excuses, I will be exploring my fourth excuse for inactivity:  "I have too many things to work on, I don't know where to start."    I am an extremely creative person, with a huge dose of curiosity.   I love to dream and create and imagine new things, as well as learning about just about anything.    This is a huge blessing, as I see the world in vibrant color with a limitless palate of possibility.   However, there can be one major downfall....DISTRACTION.    I have a hard time focusing on one thing for very long without questions or ideas or random thoughts sneak in.   It's the craziest thing.  For example, I can be working on a spreadsheet at work, and see the word, "spectrum" and immediately I wonder what that means, and what is the color spectrum, and did you know that colors bleed into each other and are created by different things?    Paul calls it "spaghetti-ing" - I can go from one thing to another completely unrelated thing with little to no effort.    

While I could easily dismiss it as they way I am, I have found that it hinders productivity.  At work, I have had to develop a "creativity log", a place where I can jot down an idea or thought or question for me to explore later, just so I can get my work done.    When it comes to working in my calling, I have so many ideas and dreams and desires that I get overwhelmed and end up just sitting and doing nothing. 

It's not really that I don't want to work, but I get so excited about one thing, only to get excited about another thing, then another.   I have half written songs, an unopened Rosetta Stone, blog titles with no posts, and so on.    It's something I know to work on.  And it's something that I am working on.   I haven't yet discovered the answer, but I have found a few things that are helping (and that I'm being convicted of):

1.  Turn off the tv or radio.  
It is hard to focus on more than one thing at any given time.    Society calls it "multi-tasking" and praises the efficiency of doing multiple things at once.   I have discovered, however, that multi-tasking means I'm doing a lot of things half-well, rather than with all of my focus and my ability.  This leads me to number 2.

2.  Quit Multi-Tasking!
One of the biggest distractions for me happens to be anything electronic.   As noted above, turning the tv and radio off help, but I have also determined that I need to turn my phone off (or leave it in another room), close down the extra tabs I have open (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, can I get an amen?).    If I am writing or reading, the last thing I need is to be pulled away by that great recipe on Pinterest that I will never actually cook (maybe that's because I'm on Pinterest instead of in the kitchen, but that's a different post altogether).

3.  LISTEN!
This should probably be number 1.    The question I should be asking every day is "What are You breathing on today, God?".    For those of us with a lot of interests and a lot of creativity, it's easy to get overwhelmed by everything you want to do.    I want to learn multiple languages, and read a book a week, and learn how to draw, to take better pictures, to study the Word, to write more songs, to learn how to play jazz, to..... And the truth is simply that there is not enough time in a day to do all of this and be excellent in my job and as a wife.   So, while all of this is in my heart, there is an issue of timing that arises.   Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a time for everything.   So, if my heart's desire is truly to advance His Kingdom (which it is), than I need to figure out what He's breathing on and partner with Him in that.   It's very possible that there will be more productivity and less frustration in that place, but that's just a hunch!  ;-)

4.  Nike - JUST DO IT!
James 4:17 tells us, "To him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."   Simply put, that means that when I feel the Lord say that it's time to open the computer and blog, and I sit and play a mindless game on the phone instead, than it's sin for me.    The sin is not the game on the phone, but my disobedience.    Ouch!  (Please allow me to pause here while I take some time in the woodshed with my Father.)

God loves rest.   He instituted Sabbath after working 6 days, and He says that Sabbath is a promise we have through Him.   He is not a slave-driver, who wants to drive us to work all the time.  It's never been about performance anyway.   He is, instead, a loving Father who sees the gift in His daughter and says, "I know you want to play outside, but you need to practice the piano for 30 minutes.  Then you can go play."   He has so lovingly placed so many gifts in each one of us, gifts that the world needs.   It is our privilege to partner with Him in bringing His Kingdom to earth.   It is out of this place that we move into discipline, which never seems pleasant at the time, but is a blessing and reward.     And maybe the distraction is simply that I've taken my eyes off of Him.   Hmmm....suddenly it seems pretty simple after all. 

It's Too Hard

This is part 3 of my "Excuses, Excuses, Excuses" series, and as you can tell, my excuses have gotten the best of me.  Be assured, though, I now have more motivation to get this series done, as I have other things that I want to confess and talk about and I don't want to interrupt my own thoughts!

So here we go.   Excuse #3:  It's too hard.

Last week, Paul and I were on a getaway trip.  We ventured through the "hill country" of Texas, visiting different caves and cities.  One stop we made was called "Enchanted Rock".   All of the brochures indicated that it was a short hike up the second largest stone mountain in America, and that it was "worth the hike" to see the views.    The lady that sold us our passes into the park said that the hike was like climbing stairs the whole way up.  So, off we went.   As a disclaimer for those who don't know me, I am not in they best shape - in fact, the only shape I'm in is ROUND!  So, any kind of climbing is a feat for me.

As we climbed, we reached a point where the "stairs" ended, and the "trail" was simply the face of the rock that you had to climb.   I tried to quit there, but Paul said "just take a few minutes, then we'll go on".   This happened 2 other times, and then I finally hit my breaking point.   Every joint, every muscle, every thing in me could not go on any further.   So I sat down.  Paul tried his best to encourage me that I could make it to the top, but I just knew that I could not take another step.   So, I sat down, about half way up the mountain, and waited for him to climb to the top.

I sat on a rock near tears as I watched him disappear in the distance.   I wanted to go further, but it was just too hard.   After a few minutes, I heard a faint whisper, "He makes my feet like hinds feet, and sets me in high places".   So, I got up and climbed some more.   I didn't make it all the way to the top, but I made it way farther than I thought I could times three.

All of this got me to thinking, dangerous, I know.   What if we are not meant to do the hard stuff by ourselves?  What if the plan all along was for us to need Him to be strong enough through us, rather than us fighting through ourselves?  What if He's calling us to take just one more step, because He knows that we can make it to the top?   I want to take that step.  

The Doldrums of Daily Living

This is part 2 of my mini-series, Excuses, Excuses, Excuses (you can read Part 1 here).  Today I think I'm going to tackle Excuses 1 and 2:   I'm too tired; I just want to relax, and I work a "secular" job that saps all my energy and strength. 

I think this is a good place to start, since today I'm tired and feel completely drained after a 10 hour day at that "secular" job, so the passion around these excuses is fresh and operating at a higher level than most days.  

First, I would like to start with the statement that I am so grateful that I have a job, especially in a time in our nation where there are millions that are unemployed and underemployed.   I am grateful that I have a good job, with benefits, that uses my strengths and stretches me in my weaknesses causing me to grow, both professionally and personally.  I count myself among the blessed in this regard.  I am also grateful for the nice vehicle I have that takes me to work, and that I can afford the gas to feed the beast, even though the commute is longer than I like.

The struggle comes in the chasm between my dreams and what I believe I am created to do and the reality of what I'm actually doing.   This chasm seems so deep and so vast that the Grand Canyon would look like a mere divot in comparison.    It is in the dark crevices of this chasm that my excuses find a place to linger and fester.

I was actually whining to God about this recently, as I was sitting in the parking lot that is also known as Highway 121.  I was just feeling "blah" and told God that I was tired of the "doldrums of daily living", and that I was ready to step into my destiny, living my adventure with Him (doesn't that just sound so spiritual?).   And His response was simply, "to obey is better than sacrifice".    He didn't expound.  He didn't lecture.  He didn't entertain my silliness or pouty face.    He simply gave me a sentence to chew on for the next few hours, days, weeks. 

This verse is from 1 Samuel 15:22, toward the end of a story in which King Saul disobeys God's direct order to completely destroy the enemy and not take any spoils (including livestock).   When the prophet, Samuel, confronts King Saul's disobedience, he makes the excuse that he took the livestock so that he could sacrifice to God.    Samuel responded with a question, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams."   

I've been chewing on it for the last few weeks, and I will be the first to tell you that it does not taste like the finest chocolate or juiciest steak, but rather like a mouthful of liver and non-flavored rice cakes.   Here are some of my non-scholarly thoughts on the matter (in no particular order):

• I wonder how many times I've justified my disobedience with an explanation that it's really to God's benefit?  
• One of the primary acts of worship in the Old Testament was sacrifice.  It was the act of honoring God, of seeking redemption, or restoring relationship with Him.   Could we restate the question as "does God delight in worship as much as He does obedience"?  Is it possible that obedience is a greater display of our worship, as it requires us to put Him above ourselves?
• What if, for me, "obedience" looks like the "doldrums of daily living"?   What if God delights in me being faithful in a job I don't feel called to, more than He does in my pursuit of the calling I believe He has on my life?
• What if obedience requires the sacrifice of my ideas, my thoughts, my agendas, my comfort?
• What if obedience means that I will have to press through being weary and drained, and allow Him to be strong through me to accomplish what He is asking of me?   Is that what He meant when He said, "My grace is sufficient for you"?
• What if my worship ("sacrifice") is not delighting God because I am in disobedience?
• What if there is a bigger purpose for my "doldrums" than I can see?   
• Why does disobedience sound like such a harsh word?

What does all of this have to do with my "excuses"?   Well, I don't know all the answers to that question, but I have a sneaky suspicion that obedience is simply the first step in eradicating the festering fungus of my excuses.   My heart's greatest desire is to please the Lord, to delight His heart, and He said that He delights in obedience.   I bet that means He has a master plan, and longs for us to walk in all He's designed for us - but we'll only know the way if we listen for His voice and follow His ways.   Sometimes, that will mean walking in something we don't understand.  Other times it will mean walking when we're too tired to stand.   And, sometimes, it will mean being faithful in the "doldrums of daily living".

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Today has been a hard day for my ego.   You see, over the last few weeks, I've been starting to feel pretty good about how my walk with God has been going, and the fact that He's been speaking to me in new ways.   But today, I didn't really like what He had to say very much.

It actually started yesterday, when I had plans to get a few things done that I've been telling myself I would have done by the end of September (yes, today is November 4).   Instead, I played on Pinterest all day long, looking at new projects that I can do (completely ignoring the fact that I had several that are still sitting there undone).    I managed to ignore the twinge of guilt as I mindlessly scrolled through pages of brilliance, and then played video games with Paul, and then again when I played games on my phone.   After a day of doing absolutely nothing, I was exhausted, so I didn't even feel the guilt when I fell soundly asleep looking forward to my extra hour of sleep (thanks Daylight Savings for giving me the hour you took in March!).  

Then this morning, we had a guest speaker who is one of the leading missions strategists in the world, and he was talking about where we are in the world, and the crises that we are experiencing, he mentioned a group of people labeled "heroes" (from one of the hundreds of sociology books he's read).    These "heroes" are the young adults who have been described as "entitled, lazy, apathetic, selfish" who suddenly rise up with purpose when faced with a crisis, and they are usually in their 20's and 30's.   He was saying that we need to pray for these heroes to discover their purpose, and awaken out of their complacency in order to see the world changed.   Immediately, I was convicted, as I fall in this age range, and I know that I am not living up to my full potential and doing all that God has designed me to do.  

Because I'm still quite thick-headed, I got home and sat down with the computer to start blogging again (yes, it's been a couple weeks, and I'm not very proud of that), but was completely distracted by looking at the news, when I ran across an article titled, "Please, Stop Following Your Dreams" by Phil Cooke.   I was intrigued, thinking that there would be something in there that might help me justify my inaction and make me feel better about myself.   But alas, that was simply a pipe dream, and I really should have known better.   What I read was a challenge to be what I am designed to be, ending with the question "Have you done the time?"    Cooke elaborates on the fact that fulfilling what you're destined to fulfill takes work and commitment, both of which take discipline (our favorite word, right?).   

So, in response to all of this, I wasted the entire afternoon, watching tv, playing on my phone, and laying on the couch before returning to church for a special service.   The same speaker spoke after an extended time of worship, during which I could barely stand.    I knew that I had to write this post as soon as I got home and confess.  Instead of publishing this as one super long post, I will break it down over a couple of days.  

I will start with my confession.    I have been making the following excuses to justify my laziness:
1.   I'm too tired; I just want to relax.
2.   I have to work a "secular" job that saps all my energy and strength.
3.   It's too hard.
4.   I have too many things to work on, I don't know where to start.
5.   I feel alone; there is no one to work with me toward achieving my dream.
6.   No one even notices my gifts; no one believes in me.

In Luke 14, Jesus tells a parable of a rich man who throws a great feast, but the people he invites all make excuses as to why they can't come.   Then he tells his servants to go invite the poor, the lame, the homeless instead.    While many equate this passage (v. 15-24) to the end-time harvest, I think that it might also be relevant to us today.   In v. 15, Jesus says, "Blessed is he who shall eat bread in the kingdom of God," and Jesus says earlier that the kingdom of God is NOW and is among us.  So what is this bread?   When Jesus was tempted by the devil in the wilderness to work a miracle and provide for himself something to eat, Jesus defeated him by saying "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."    During His sermon on the mount, He said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."    And let's not forget that He said, "I am the Bread of Life".     So, what if this parable is not about who is getting "saved", but rather about those of us who are already in relationship with God (in the story, the man was likely inviting his friends, not strangers), and the call to sit at His table and dine on His words, fulfilling the plans and purposes He has for our lives?

Take a look at the text and think about it....We'll pick up here next time, exploring some of these excuses.

Now when one of those who sat at the table with Him heard these things, he said to Him, "Blessed is he who shall eat bread in the kingdom of God!” Then He said to him, “A certain man gave a great supper and invited many, and sent his servant at supper time to say to those who were invited, ‘Come, for all things are now ready.’ But they all with one accord began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of ground, and I must go and see it. I ask you to have me excused.’ And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to test them. I ask you to have me excused.’ Still another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’ So that servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house, being angry, said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in here the poor and the maimed and the lame and the blind.’ And the servant said, ‘Master, it is done as you commanded, and still there is room.’Then the master said to the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled. For I say to you that none of those men who were invited shall taste my supper.’”

Lessons from the Presidential Campaign

We have 3 weeks left of the mudslinging and the negative ads, and there are a whole lot of us scratching our heads wondering who is really telling the truth.     I have said more than once, "I hate politics," and watching the debates tonight just supports this loathing.    While I'm sitting here, seething, I am being reminded of the times that I, too, have been "political".    So here, in no certain order, are some lessons I am learning from the campaign/debates:

1.  Tell the truth ALWAYS!   There are hundreds of "fact checkers" and you will be held to your word.   Also, no one believes your BS, so you might as well just be honest.

2.  Don't exaggerate to make a point (a personal weakness of mine)!   It goes along with point number 1.  When you exaggerate, people know, and they won't be able to believe anything you say.  

3.  When something doesn't go the way you plan, admit you made a mistake, learn from it, and move on.    Quit blaming someone else and making excuses.  We know it was you.

4.  When someone is talking, LISTEN!  Don't talk over them.  Don't bully your way through a conversation.  It's rude and it just makes you look like a jack-ass!

5.  Honor goes a long way.   Just because you fundamentally disagree with someone, doesn't give you the right to personally attack them.   The truth is that both of you are probably going to fail on some level, and neither of you know everything.   BE NICE!

6.  At some point you have to quit talking and just do something.   NIKE already!

and last, but by far the most important....

7.  There is only ONE Savior, ONE Hope, One Solution, and you are not Him (neither am I - so we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief).  

Coke or Water?

This week I had the not-so-pleasant experience of dehydrating myself.   I had recognized the signs a few days prior to the painful side of dehydration, but I ignored them, because I wanted to drink a Coke, not water.   I love the sweet, fizzy flavor of most sodas, and the caffeine jolt is just what I need to get me through the afternoon blehs.   But, at 4:30 on Wednesday morning, I started kicking myself when I was jarred awake by my body screaming for water.  


In the Bible, the Holy Spirit is often referred to as "living water".   I have often thought about "living water" versus "still water", and I have heard many sermons, teachings, and scientific explanations of how living water is better than stagnant water.   There has been no greater illustration of this in my life than my previous cat, Glory.    I adopted her from the shelter when she was 1 year old, a beautiful long hair kitty, and with a name like Glory, how could I resist?    I brought her home, and I was startled the first morning when I was awoken by her screams from the bathroom.  I ran in there and found her in the bathtub, crying and crying.   It took me a few minutes, but I finally turned on the bathtub to a slight trickle.  She immediately started drinking from the water as it came out of the faucet as if she were completely dehydrated, which made no sense to me since there was a full bowl of fresh water just two steps away.    This began a long standing morning tradition of getting up and turning the bathtub on while I got ready for work. 

Of course, she would drink water from her bowl when I wasn't home, but as soon as I walked in the door, she refused.  She wanted "living water".     I think that we're wired the same way.    I'm not saying that we drink from bathtubs, but have you ever seen bottled "pond water"?    We buy bottles of "spring water", why?  Because it's clean!   And we need water.   I read this morning that a 10% drop in hydration can be fatal.   That doesn't seem like very much, but I'm telling you, after this week, I believe it!   But I think that that we need more than natural water. 

Confession:   Sometimes I drink cokes when I need the LIVING WATER.  

Sometimes I watch tv, when my spirit is crying out for some time in worship.  Sometimes I play games on my phone when I am needing to read the Word.   Sometimes I skip church and sleep in.  Sometimes, my spirit gets dehydrated.    In those times I am more easily swayed by my emotions, I get confused, I get tired, and my faith muscles cramp up, and it is painful (both for me and those around me).  

Now, I'm not talking about a checklist for "good Christians" here, nor am I saying that tv, games or sleeping in are wrong.   I'm talking about heart needs.   As a married woman, I need quality time with my husband, where we can stay connected and deepen our relationship.  If we don't spend that time, we start to drift apart, which can create all sorts of open doors to things that no one wants to walk through.   It's the same concept with God.   My heart needs to stay connected to Him.  He is love, peace, joy, life, and when I disconnect, I find myself withering in the wilderness of doubt and depression.    The signs are usually clear, so the question really becomes, "Will you listen?"    I can't promise that I always will, but I can tell you this - I never want to be dehydrated again.

Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again,  but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”  ~John 4:13-14

This is a Gift?

Have you ever received one of those gifts that just made you scratch your head?    Have you ever politely said thank you, while secretly wondering what you were going to do with it or what the giver was ever thinking?

Today, I was listening to Jason Upton's Glimpse cd, and there is a song in which he is singing about forgiveness and looking at our friends forgetting they were our enemies.   Later in the song, he starts talking about the scene in the Garden of Gethsemane when Peter cut off the servant's ear.   Jesus healed the servant, and told Peter "Those who live by the sword will die by the sword."   Jason then points out the next question that Jesus asks Peter, "Shall I not drink the cup that my Father has given me," saying that true freedom is looking into the eyes of your betrayer and saying "you are a cup from my Father." 

While I have heard this song and statement several times, today it struck me to the core.   As you might have guessed from the recent posts, it has been a season in which there is one who has been causing much pain in my life.   In fact, I would say this one has been a "betrayer" of sorts, with a lot of kindness to my face, but backstabbing any other time.    With all this going on, I have been so focused on my failure to respond to this "trial", and the angst and pain of picking up offenses, laying them down, then picking them up again, only to stay on this hamster wheel of forgiving my very own Judas.   But today, I was forced to consider that maybe this Judas is a "cup from my Father," a gift?

The Bible tells us that Jesus endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him.   I wonder if He thought, "Gee, Dad...thanks for this one!"   It's almost like getting a treadmill for Christmas (which I do not recommend gifting anyone unless he/she has point blank asked for one-but that's another post).   For me, this would be a practical gift, but nothing I would just love.  I know exercise is important, but it just does not bring the same joy to me that it does to my crazy work-out loving friends.    Yet, what if the treadmill was not the real gift, but rather something that was needed to prepare me for what the real gift is?   What if the gift is a trip to Mt. Kilimanjaro, and in order to fully experience the beauty, I need to be able to climb the mountain?   In order to be able to climb the mountain, I need to be able to walk farther than the distance it is from the couch to the refrigerator.     For Christ, the gift was restoring us to His Father, being in relationship with us, being seated on the right hand of the Father. 

But it all started with becoming a helpless baby, enduring life as a human (working in business, dealing with church politics, and trying to please his parents as well as his friends all at the same time), and then walking through the most painful three days known to man (betrayal by a good friend, false accusations, excruciating punishment and death, and separation from God).    That's some gift, eh?  

James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes from the Father of Lights."   As I noted last night, He had only good gifts for us.   So, if you are faced with a Judas (which means "praise", by the way), and your "gift" isn't feeling very good, there is something good that God is wanting to give you.  It might be the gift of peace, or the gift of expanded grace and patience, or the gift of forgiveness leading to a deeper revelation of His love.  It could be that this Judas is preparing you for beauty like you've never seen or experienced.   So, while it feels counterculture and unnatural, rejoice in the treadmill, press through and work it out.  Kilimanjaro will be worth it all!

Fear of the Unknown

"Fear creates increased pessimism about the future."  ~ from a webinar I attended at work.

 The class was about leading through "disruptive change", and smack in the middle the speaker drops this line.   It was as if he was living in my head.     Confession time:  I have been a little (ok maybe a lot) pessimistic about my future, mainly at work, but in other areas too, and when he said that there was a correlation between fear and pessimism about the future, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

I wouldn't have called it "fear", per se, but there has been a lot of uncertainty about where I will be working, in what capacity I will be working in...you know overstaffed + over budget = a lot of ???????.   And if I were to be completely honest (which is the point of this blog), I've been afraid.   Afraid of having to go backwards instead of forwards in my career.  Afraid that my new boss won't like me.  Afraid that I will not be successful.  Afraid that I will have to move.   Just plain afraid.  

No wonder I've been miserable these last few weeks.   Somehow, I have lost sight of the fact that I am so perfectly loved by a Father who never makes mistakes, whose promises are amazing, and who knows what He is doing.    I lost sight of the fact that He says, "For I know the plans I have for you...plans for a FUTURE and a hope, " and "Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father."   If He only gives good and perfect gifts, and He holds the plans for my future, what am I so scared of?

And we all know the verse that says, "Perfect love casts out fear," right?   So, I immediately jumped to condemning myself for not believing in His perfect love, for allowing fear to come in.    And as I repented for the 100th time this week for this same "sin" of unbelief, I wondered if maybe it wasn't a "sin" after all.  Maybe it wasn't "unbelief", but maybe I just need a greater revelation of who He is and His love for me.   Maybe that's why God put this prayer in the Bible - maybe, just maybe, He knew we would need this prayer answered in our lives (I stole that "maybe" from Pastor Terry Moore @SojournChurch-thanks, Pastor!).   So, instead of repenting for the 101st time, I am going to pray this prayer over myself and my family.   Will you join me?

^"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you [and me], according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your [and my] hearts through faith; that you [and I], being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you [and I] may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  ~Ephesians 3:14-21

Love in the Real World

In my world this week, love has looked like:
1.  holding the elevator for a stranger with full hands
2.  honoring a co-worker, even when I fundamentally disagreed with everything he was saying
3.  not rolling my eyes at something someone said
4.  not nagging my husband about the impending lease renewal
5.  getting up to take the dog out, so Paul could sleep a little longer
6.  not telling my friends about what that other person did that just pissed me off
7.  not cussing out the driver that cut me off, then slammed on his brakes.
8.  choosing to pray for and bless the politician I would like to see in a different career

Confession:    I only did a couple of things on this list.

#NeedMoreLove  #NeedHim

Not My Favorite Workout

Confession:   I think my forgive switch has flipped it's last time, as there is no forgiveness coming from the vents of this heart right now.

I understand that forgiveness is a choice, and that there really is no such thing as a "forgive switch", but this has been one heck of a season, and I could swear that my forgive switch has simply worn out.  

I am convinced that the subject of my angst, this person that I would rather strangle than bless, has been placed in my life just to work out my forgiveness muscle.   The problem is that my muscle is strained, and I'm not getting any time off to rest.   Oh, I had a couple week respit, but now it's like I'm being forced to run a marathon when I haven't even walked a mile.    I'm out of breath, everything hurts, and I'm pretty sure that my heart is going to explode.  

I know that I need to forgive and bless and pray for this person, but the truth is I just don't want to.   I will, eventually, get sick of the battle between my head and the Spirit, and I will forgive for the 491st time.  Does this earn me extra jewels in my crown since I've now forgiven more than the required 70 x 7?  Probably not, since I've been forgiven 491 million times.    The truth is that it's very possible that I may be this same person in someone else's life, needing to be forgiven on a daily basis (while I really do hope that's not the case).

It's amazing to me what unforgiveness and anger and hurt actually do to a person.   I have been on edge, fidgety and just downright miserable.   And while the solution seems so simple, it's hard to do in real life.   It's hard to get past the hurt, the frustration, the helpless feeling of being poked until you're raw.   It's hard to forgive when you know that the other person is not going to change and you'll just have to repeat the process again.    It's hard, but it's not impossible.  

Jesus set the perfect example.  He knew that Judas was going to betray Him, and yet Jesus forgave him even BEFORE the full pain of the betrayal set in.   How do I know that?  He greeted Judas with a kiss and called him friend when Judas was bringing the army to arrest Him.    Who does that?    The cool thing is that the same Spirit lives in us, and we have all been given a measure of grace, which means we are empowered to do all that God has called us to do.   This means we are empowered to forgive.   We are empowered to release mercy to our Judases.   

Silly me, my forgive switch didn't break.  I just forgot to turn it on.   


"Freely you have received.  Freely Give."  ~ Jesus     

PS:  For those who may be concerned, the person causing me angst is NOT my husband!  We are still very happy, healthy, and very much in love.    

Let No Man Put Asunder

Confession:  Divorce makes me sad.

Now, before you think that I'm going to jump on a soapbox and talk about the evils of divorce, I'm going to ask that you stay with me.  This is not that discussion. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that one of my employees at work was getting a divorce after just a couple years.   Then a couple nights ago, I noticed that a friend whose marriage we celebrated not that long ago was without her wedding ring and husband.    Then there was a friends' marriage who dissolved after just a couple months, and another after over twenty years, and another, and another.   

I know this is a sensitive subject, and that there are many who will jump right out and say that all these people are sinning.    I refuse to be one of those people.   I have no idea what the circumstances are in each of these cases, nor do I want to know.   It's really none of my business.    All I know is that hearing about divorce just makes me sad. 

This is something that I have struggled with for a few years.   I don't know why it makes me so sad, but it does, especially since I've been married.    So, I've been pondering and thinking and praying about it over the last couple weeks.    This is me processing through my thoughts, so if this post seems a little discombobulated, I apologize. 

I believe that divorce makes God sad too.    But, I think that to him, divorce is a bigger concept than just the dissolution of marriage.   While He did create marriage, not everyone gets married.   However, everyone is created for relationship and community with others.    Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God's workmanship, created for good works.  Later in that same chapter we learn that we are being joined together, in an all-pieces-make-one-great-place kind of way, to build a dwelling place for God Himself.   In I Corinthians, Paul teaches that we are all members of one body.   Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think I would be very happy if any of my body members ditched my body.  I'm rather partial to all of my parts functioning the way they're supposed to -as part of MY body. 

In the Hebrew, the word for divorce (as used in Malachi 2:16) means "to send off or away or out or forth, dismiss, give over, cast out".    Merriam-Websters Dictionary defines divorce as "separation or severance".    I have had friendships that have severed, causing deep pain.     I have been involved in church splits that have damaged many hearts and relationships.   I have seen teams disintegrate in anger and hatred. 

Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate".   We've all heard this verse in wedding ceremonies, but I believe it's bigger than just marriage.    He has joined us together with others.  We are created to be part of others, to live in unity with His body.    It was in the upper room when the disciples were gathered in one accord that the Holy Spirit flooded the room.   Jesus said that He and His Father are one, and we are created in their image.   We are created for relationship and oneness with God and unity others.   And He has promised to be with us, even when it's just 2 or 3 gathered in His name.  

Marriage isn't easy.   Relationships aren't easy.   Unity is not easy.   But divorce is painful.  Let's be a people who press through the hard times, who fight for our marriages, family, friendships, churches; a people who chooses to love even when it's hard; a people who choose to be in community.  

"Behold how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity...for there, the Lord has commanded the blessing - Life forevermore."  ~Ps 133:1-3 

Expecting the Unexpected

I have a couple different confessions for you tonight, so this might get interesting.

Confession #1:   Sometimes I'm pretty dense.  

Sometimes God speaks to me through the strangest things.   I think He does that because He knows that I'm a little crazy and creative.   However, this also lends itself to me missing the fact that God is actually speaking.  

Confession #2:   Sometimes I get annoyed by the very thing that God is using to speak to me.

This has happened to me twice within the last 3 days. (Gimme a break! I already confessed to being a little dense!)     On Monday night, I was at the Rangers Ballpark taking in a great baseball game, and enjoying the finest ballpark cuisine.    For me, that means NACHOS with extra cheese and jalapenos.   After I had eaten about half my nachos, I found a french fry.   Since it was doused in cheese, I just ate it without a second thought.   Then it happened again.  Another french fry...in my nachos!     I was a little annoyed since I didn't order french fries and they didn't belong in my nachos.   But, truthfully, I just shrugged and moved on to finishing my nachos.   Then tonight, I was out at dinner with my husband.  We both ordered 1/2 sandwich with a cup of potato soup.    As I was about half way through my soup, I got a bite of chicken.   Last time I checked, there is no chicken in potato soup, and so I asked Paul if he had chicken in his soup.   Much to my dismay, he didn't have any chicken in his soup.  Twice there were food items put together that one wouldn't really put together normally!  Weird! 

This seemed too random, so I started thinking that maybe God was saying something.   What He was saying, I couldn't really say, but I knew He was speaking.   Which leads me to my next confession.

Confession #3:  I still have limited expectations about what all things God related should look like.

At Bible study tonight, we started talking about being seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2), and all the things that might look like.   Then we started talking about Philip and how he was translated, and Jacob and how he saw a ladder into heaven, and Peter, James and John and how they saw Jesus transfigured on the mountain, and those who had visions of the throne room of heaven. 

It started my imagination.   You see, I believe that God is bigger, more creative, and crazy fun, and that He likes to show His bigness, creativity and have crazy fun.   What if He wants us to experience some of heaven on earth?   What if He wants to show us the brilliance that is His home?   What if He wants us to hear His favorite music?  What if He wants to take us on a trip around the world without cars, boats or airplanes?  

And as I pondered these thoughts on my drive home, I went back to the unexpected surprises in my food.  The french fries were actually good smothered in nacho cheese, and the chicken was a nice addition to my otherwise meatless soup, so I really had nothing to complain about.    And what if it wasn't about the food at all, but really about challenging my way of thinking?    What if potato soup was supposed to have chicken in it all along?  What if God is really trying to teach me to expect the unexpected?   Given my history with God, it's completely rational that he would use french fries in nachos to expand my expectations of all that He is.  Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

"Look among the nations, and watch- Be utterly astounded!   For I will work a work in your days which you would not believe, though it were told you."  ~Hab 1:5

Beauty is in the Eye....

Today, I took an adventure with 3 of my friends.   It was a photo adventure (later called "Photo Safari"), in which we hopped in the truck with a full tank of gas, and just drove until we found something we wanted to take pictures of, then stopped.   Our adventure took us off-roading, had us hiking through the clay of the Red River, and all over the southern part of Oklahoma.     

Aside from getting to spend some much needed girl time and getting out of the city, we got some great pics.   But, it was only because we were looking for great photos opps.   I had been on several roads in southern Oklahoma before, and, to be honest, hated it.   I'm much more of a city girl, and there are no "cities" along the country roads of southern Oklahoma.     This time, though, was different.   The plot of land with rusted out farm trucks and equipment became art rather than junk.    The dried up shore of the lake became an interesting picture.   And those dilapidated buildings became historical novelties.    All of this simply because we were looking for something different.    

It got me thinking (dangerous, I know!).    What if we took "photo safaris" in our real-life circumstances?    What if the junk pile in our backyard, the shattered buildings of our dreams, the dried up riverbeds of our hopes all held a different kind of beauty?    What if we searched out the beauty in those broken places of our lives?   Would we be amazed at what we find?    Maybe, just maybe, we would experience joy and adventure, rather than hating the journey.   

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 

 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:1-3 (emphasis mine)

When Free Speech Isn't Free

Because I am not a history or legal buff, I can't tell you if our country was the first or if it is the only country to guarantee its citizens the right of "free speech".   What I can tell you is that we Americans take this right for granted.    We have the right to say whatever we think, whatever we want, regardless of how vulgar or hateful it gets (well, at least in theory-recent "Hate-Crime" laws have hit these rights some).   

And while there is so much to talk about regarding the power of our words and how our tongues are the most dangerous weapon we wield, I would like to simply throw out there this one thought:   our speech is never free.  There are real life consequences, both good and bad, to every word we say.   We can't "take it back", and while it's cute, the silly school yard rhyme of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is simply a lie we teach our children.    

I wonder how many of us have masked our critical attitudes and judgmental words with our "right to free speech"?   I know I have.    I have also used the phrase, "just sayin'" as a follow-up to some harsh words or judgments that I have spoken.  I have argued that I have "the right" to my opinion, and have bullied people behind that "right", all in the name of "free speech."   I have justified my criticisms, gossip, slander, and anger by citing my "right" to my opinion.

But, what if our "rights" had international and eternal consequences?    I have been watching the news out of the Middle East over the last week, and there are so many crazy protests with people being injured, even killed, because of a video that was produced in the United States.   While I haven't personally seen the video, I have heard that it is poorly done, and very rude and derogatory toward Mohammed, the prophet of Islam.   In our nation, this video producer had every "right" to make this video and to publish his opinions.   He has every "right" to believe what he said is true, and to argue his opinions.    But what was the cost of that "right"? 

On Sunday, my pastor said, "Love is giving up our rights...it's putting others first."    If our greatest commandment is to LOVE God with our whole being, and to LOVE those around us as we love ourselves, does that include watching what we say?     Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one."   That word "grace" means "that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness."    Can I honestly say that every word that comes out of my mouth affords "joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness"?    No, I can't.   But I want to.   

Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit."    In Deuteronomy 30:19 God says, "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;  therefore, choose life that both you and your descendants may live."

Confession:  I don't always choose life.

Father, I want to be a life-giver with speech that is peppered with grace.   Like David, I pray that you would "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over my lips."   

Spiritual Whiplash

I've taken a bit of a hiatus - mostly because I caught the latest bug to hit the office, and I have been down for the count.    Which leads me to my title.    

Last Friday, September 7, I had it so strongly in my heart to pray for Iran, especially Pastor Youcef who was being held in prison for his faith.    So I prayed, long and late into the night, before I finally crashed.   When I woke up on Saturday morning, my Facebook and phone had blown up with news that Pastor Youcef had been released to his family!    Without going into the entire story, it had looked bleak, and Pastor Youcef had a death sentence hanging over his head.   In the natural, there was nothing that would indicate he would ever be released, but there it was, a miracle!    

My faith soared as it never had.  That morning I cried and laughed and praised, and I knew that God could do anything and that He is still working miracles.    Then Sunday happened.   Sunday, I received a sucker punch to my faith, and got some disappointing news, and later in the week, I got sick.    So, there it was...I went from the mountain to valley in 30 seconds flat, and there was some serious whiplash!   

A couple weeks ago, I was watching a Texas Rangers baseball game, and during the game one of our Rangers had hit a home run.     During his next at bat, the opposing pitcher plunked him smack in the ribs as a message of their displeasure.   I seriously felt like this player.    I had hit a home run, then got plunked.    In the game, our next player came up to the plate and hit a home run, sending a message right back.    Can we say "teamwork"?   But, then that's a different blog.

On Monday night, I had the privilege of praying with some amazing men and women of God, and one of them said, "I feel like someone in here might be discouraged.  Elijah once felt discouraged after a major victory.  It's normal, and it will pass."    This so encouraged my heart. Apparently, I am not the first one to suffer spiritual whiplash. 

Elijah on Mt. Carmel, near Haifa, Israel

In case you don't remember, Elijah was a prophet of God in a country where the king and queen had chosen to worship Baal instead.   This made Elijah highly unpopular, as God does not like to share His glory, and did not appreciate Israel choosing another god.    After some words, Elijah threw down the gauntlet and challenged King Ahab to send his best prophets of Baal and Elijah would meet them on Mt. Carmel, and there they would figure out who the true God was.     It's actually a pretty entertaining story, as Elijah gets a little sarcastic with the prophets of Baal as they cry and pray and beat themselves trying to get Baal to answer.  There's nothing like a little trash talk during a competition, right?   When it's Elijah's turn, he rubs some salt in their wounds when he dowses his altar with water before calling on God to light it with fire.   But, God shows up in a powerful way.  Not only is Elijah's altar consumed completely, but all the people fell down and worshiped and encountered the living God.   And, as if that wasn't enough, the drought was ended that same afternoon.     Within just a couple days, the queen pronounced a death sentence on Elijah's life, and he fled his home and "prayed that he might die".      (For the full version, I recommend checking out 1 Kings 18-19).

What's so great about this story is not that Elijah despaired, but that in his despair God spoke to him, and shortly after, he had one of the greatest encounters with the Lord.    There was heavenly chiropractic adjustment, and healing for that spiritual whiplash.    It was God coming in and reminding Elijah that he was not alone, and there were others to hit the ball out of the park after he got plunked.    So, if you're suffering from some spiritual whiplash, be encouraged!  You're not the first one.  You're not the only one.  And it will not last forever.  And God is speaking to you, leading you to your next mountain of encounter.   Will you hear Him?    

   

The Other Side

Silly Cow - doesn't it see the full pasture it's standing in? 

Do you remember the story of Abraham and his nephew, Lot.    Like any great uncle, Abraham agreed to take his nephew, Lot, on a great adventure.   Abraham didn't know exactly where they were going, because God just said, "Go to a land I will show you," but he did know that he was going.    Lot tagged along and prospered in the journey, as Abraham also prospered, so much so that it came to a point where they were going to have to part ways.   Abraham (known as Abram in those days) said to Lot, "If you go left, I'll go right.  If you go right, I'll go left," and gave Lot the pick of the land.   Lot looked and saw the plushest, most beautiful land on one side and a wilderness on the other, so he did what any noble, humble, grateful nephew would do, and took the wilderness.   Ya, right!   Lot took the beautiful, plush land and left his uncle with the dry dust of the wilderness.   (This story is found in Genesis 13, in case you're wondering).

At first glance, it appears that Abraham got completely screwed, left with "worst" land.    I can imagine that Abraham stood there, feeling a little dejected, wondering what God was planning to do with all this dusty ground as he watched Lot take his family, flocks and possessions over to the "other side".    As if reading his mind, God speaks to Abraham, "after Lot had separated from him: 'Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are—northward, southward, eastward, and westward;  for all the land which you see I give to you and your descendants forever. And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if a man could number the dust of the earth, then your descendants also could be numbered. Arise, walk in the land through its length and its width, for I give it to you.'"  

How much would that promise have meant had Abraham been standing in the lush green grass with no dust to be seen?   God knew that Lot was going to choose the green side, but He still remembered His promise to Abraham.   In the midst of the "dusty wilderness", God breathed life.   Instead of seeing a barren wasteland, Abraham saw a fruitful land as he reached out for the promise of God.    

As you read further in Genesis, you discover that the "beautiful land of the Jordan" and the city in which Lot chose to dwell were destroyed completely, and Lot was left with nothing but his family (and only part of that), while Abraham thrived and continued to grow and prosper.  

I think of all the times that I have made choices based on natural appearances rather than God's word, and have been left picking up the pieces.    Often times, what I think is best is meaningless compared to the fruitfulness of God's plans.  And, just like Lot, I discover once again that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.    

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

                               Is 55:8-9                               

Ostrich anyone?

Myth:   Ostriches bury their heads in the sand. 
Fact:    When they sense danger and can't run away, ostriches lay down on the ground and  
           lie still with their heads on the ground in front of them.  Since their neck and 
           head are lightly colored, they blend into the sand giving the appearance of being 
           buried.

Do you ever have those moments where you just want to bury your head and pretend that there is nothing going on around you?   Or you see something coming down the pike, but you want to ignore all the signs and pretend it's not happening?   Maybe you want this thing to happen, and you're scared to hope and believe that it's actually coming?    

I'm having one of those moments.    There are some signs that a long awaited promise may be coming to pass, but I'm scared to believe that the "signs" are real signs and not just the mirages of a thirsty soul.   It's so crazy that I actually had a dream in which I said, "I'm scared to ask the question, because I'm more scared of getting a negative answer than I am of not knowing."     This is so counter-culture for me, because I want to know everything!  I hate unknowns.  I want to know every little detail of every day so I can plan every minute.   I'm not a big fan of surprises.  Knowing all of this about myself, it's crazy that I would actually rather "not know" than ask the question.  

I am asking God to just tell me "yes" or "no", but His silence is blaring.    Why is it so difficult to hear Him for myself, but so easy to perceive what He's doing in others, for nations, for anything?   Could it be I'm too close to the situation?   Could it be that my emotions are too invested?  

Confession:  I'm playing the role of a mythical, head-burying ostrich.  

I want so much to believe that God's promises are good and His timing is perfect.  I know that for a fact in my head and in my past experience.  As I typed that line, this verse from Isaiah 46 just popped in my head:
"Remember the former things of old, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure'...Indeed I have spoken it; I will also bring it to pass.  I have purposed it; I will also do it."  (vs. 8-11).    

So, there we have it.  God is a God of His word!   What He says, He will do.   Numbers 23:19 tells us that God cannot lie.   I can trust Him completely.     

Confession Number 2:  I can't say that I'm ready to ask the question yet....maybe I'll just be an ostrich for a few more days.

Just Float

I've heard it said that if you're drowning one of the best things you can do is to lift up your feet, lay on your back and just float.    Apparently a lot of drownings occur because people panic and flail and scream and get a lot of water in their lungs, which makes it difficult to rescue them.   This seems silly to me, because most of us are naturally buoyant if we just lean back.

I was thinking about this as I floated in a lake over the weekend.   As a DINK (dual-income-no-kids), I'm not really accustomed to living with children, and we were spending the weekend with my husband's family and their children.    There was a lot of activity throughout the entire weekend, and when we got to the lake, I took the opportunity to swim out away from the group and just float.    

During my float, I made a couple of observations:
1.   It's harder to float when boats or jet skis are in the vicinity, but not impossible.
2.   It's super refreshing to lay in the water with the sun shining on your face.  Not too hot.  Not too cold.
3.   You hear differently when your ears are under water.

I want to park on number 3 for a few minutes.    When we arrived at the lake, we were not the only chill seekers out there.   There was a group with their vehicles parked close by blaring the latest country favorites as they played in the water.   Then there was the kids in our group, getting giddy while playing in the water.   Yet, when I leaned back, and my toes found the air and my ears dipped under the water, all of that was muted, and there was peace.   I could hear every breath I took.   I could feel every ripple in the water.   I was in another world, even for just a few minutes.  

Water is often used to symbolize the Holy Spirit, both in Scripture and in many theological teachings.   As I was floating in the lake, I wondered if this is what Jesus meant when He said, "All who are weary, come to me and rest."  Before my ears hit the water, my face had to turn to the sun, and I had to quit standing on my own.  As I quit flailing and trying to tread water, leaned back, and my ears dipped beneath the water, the chaos of the world around me just disappeared.   There was peace.  There was quiet.   There was calm.  There was rest, much needed rest.     

In that moment, I wondered, "What if, when we're drowning, we turn our face toward the sun, we quit trying to stand on our own, and put our ears into His presence?"   How much chaos are buying into simply by keeping our ears out of the water?  

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  

Look full in His wonderful face.  

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

in the light of His glory and grace.

Architect and General Contractor

I've never been part of building a house.  In fact, I've never really been part of building any kind of building.  Well, I did pound a few nails on a Habitat for Humanity project last year, but I never saw the plans, I didn't know the contractors, and no one asked my opinion regarding how it should be built.   They just gave me a hammer and some nails and said, "over there."     From that little experience, I can say with certainty, that building houses is HARD work, especially in the Texas summer sun!   

While I don't know a whole lot about the process, I know that before you can build a house several things are required.    First, you need some land that is zoned and approved for residential living.   Then you need an architect to draw up some plans.    Finally, you need a general contractor to organize the laborers and get the work done.    Almost always, it seems like there are adjustments to the plans, delays in the process, workers that don't live up to their end of the bargain, weather that doesn't cooperate, and paint colors that look different in the house than they did in the store. 

I think our lives and destinies are like houses that are being built.   God has plans for each of our lives.  He knows where we will be built; He knows when we will be ready; He knows what we're being built for; He knows how big or small we need to be; He knows what materials are needed for our locations.   He is a Master Architect.    Not only does He have all the plans, but He is also the General Contractor.    He knows the budget, the materials, the deadlines, and He loves delegating different portions of the home to "sub-contractors".    

Confession:  I am getting impatient in the building process!

I like to watch those DIY shows on the Home Improvement channels, and I always laugh at the homeowners who are trying to save money, so they do their own projects, only to screw it up royally and have to call in a contractor to fix it.     The homeowners that really drive me crazy are those who try to change the plans after the work has started, against the contractors advice, then yell at the contractor when their budget gets blown or the house isn't done on time.   Yet, here I am, one of those crazy homeowners trying to build my own house faster.   I keep trying to change the plans, tell the Contractor how I think it should look, and trying to get it done in breakneck speed.    I keep trying to see the plans, but I know that even if I actually got to see them plans, I wouldn't understand them anyway.  I'm a musician, not an architect!   

And don't even get me started on those sub-contractors!    You know those who are responsible for drilling, nailing, cutting, sanding?    You may have some of those in your life too....work, school, friends, enemies, family members.   All of these people and situations make for some uncomfortable seasons in our lives, but they are so needed if our homes are going to be safe, reliable and functional places.   

God is an amazing contractor with amazing plans for us.    He knows the budget, the deadlines, and has all the right people set up to get us to our destiny and purpose.     Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are "His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."   Doesn't that sound good?   I don't know about you, but I want to walk in good works, so it makes sense that I should stick with His plans.    Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it."    What this says to me is, "Christi, quit taking the hammer from my hands!  I have everything under control, and your house will be perfect for you.  Trust me, and rest in me.   This is what I do best!"     

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

"Deceiving others is an essential part of every day social interaction." 

This was the beginning of a seminar I attended today.    The purpose of the seminar was to teach us how to detect lies during investigations and interviews, and in order to set it up, the presenter had to lay the foundation that we all lie on a regular basis.    The statistics are overwhelming.  Consider these studies:

• DePaulo & Kashy (1998): the average person lied to 34% of the people whom she/he interacted with in a typical week.
• Hample (1980) respondents reported lying an average of 13 times per week.
• DePaulo & Bell (1996):  Married couples lied in 1 out of 10 interaction with their partners.
• Robinson, Shepherd & Haywood (1998):  83% of respondents said they would lie in order to get a job.

What disturbed me most was that he easily justified lying, saying that it is "necessary that we lie to each other every day".    He shared an example in which his mother asked him if her old fashioned, outdated coat looked ok.  "Of course, I was going to lie to my mother. I don't want to hurt her feelings."   

Merriam-Webster online defines "to lie" as follows:
1.  to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2.  to create a false or misleading impression

As I sat in this class, I was so convicted.  You see, I, too, have justified my dishonesty with excuses of "I don't want to hurt their feelings", or "It's just a little white lie," or "Telling the truth will cause more disruption than lying."    But, if my Sunday School training serves me well, I can't remember a single place in all of Scripture that condones lying.   It's actually quite the opposite.    Jesus said that the devil is the "father of lies", and in Proverbs 12:22 we see that "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight."     

We all laugh when kids are blunt and brutally honest.   We've all heard parents talk about how their kids have told them they looked old, or their clothes looked funny, or that they don't like Aunt Sally (in front of Aunt Sally) because she smells funny.     Why is it that we teach kids that it's bad to lie, but they still learn that being honest is not socially acceptable?   Can you imagine how different this world would be if kids never grew out of their "honesty"?    Politicians might be out of a job!  Heck, I might be out of a job!    I wonder if this is part of why Jesus said that we must be like children to enter the Kingdom.   

What do you think?  Is it ever ok to lie?  What does it look like to be honest, but still gracious and loving?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

"Deliver my soul, Oh Lord, from lying lips and from a deceitful tongue."  Psalm 120:2